So I'm studying for a statistics exam and as usual I'm taking time out to write down all the thoughts that i'm thinking that are TOTALLY unrelated to any form of math.
I'm thinking bout a friend that I miss, and wondering why I just can't have all the people that I love around me all the time? I wonder why life can be so difficult and how I try so hard, yet I seem to have so many broken relationships in my life.
I'm learning though, learning how to confront things instead of just letting them slide under the carpet, hoping that one day they would just disappear. I wan't to be honest about what I'm thinking and feeling. I have a right to express my opinion and thoughts and I have a right to tell people when I've been hurt. Sometimes I just want to yell, scream and get it all out. But that doesn't mean that I don't love the person. Just that I want to be understood, is that wrong?
I want to be free to be me, all of me, everything that is me. I am still in process, still learning how to breathe in and out some days, but others, I feel like I can fly and I'm so glad that I have a God that never gives up on me, but keeps teaching me and loving me and giving me courage and grace.
So here I am, looking out the window, knowing that nothing but God's amazingness can be enough. But then, at the same time, realizing that it is enough, It always is enough. and when i choose to know that truly in my heart, that's when I experience true life, when I can give up every selfish desire, plan, and purpose and trade them for a lifetime adventure, even if it is unknown.
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